When you have a master's degree in creative writing but end up working at the University of Washington's Surplus Store, you need an outlet for those creative juices.
Luckily for Eric Wahl, one of his jobs there is describing for the store's website all those no-longer-needed desks, chairs, microscopes and even baby grand pianos.
So a bunch of old TVs being sold at $15 to $25 each become not pedestrian electronics, but:
"We regularly receive a variety of 'pre-HD, pre-widescreen, pre-light-weight' televisions that we're happy to offer at 'non-crazy' prices. Historians tell me these implements are great for viewing 'pre-HD, pre-rectangle, pre-3D, pre-I-don't-need-to-see-the-newscaster's-pores' DVDs and such."
And a dummy like the ones used in CPR classes, a synthetic male torso priced at $5, becomes:
"Your Sister's Prom Date, 'Brad.' Say what you will; he doesn't sass back."